Bits From Books I’ll Never Write #2

Fingertips burn as I plan on reaching out. I shiver beside you as my body is ablaze. I basically have a heart attack whenever I look at your face. My memory does you no justice and I know it, but you catch me off guard without fail every time. I couldn’t even describe what you look like, or what you were wearing when I saw you two days ago, or the sound of your voice. I just know that I like it all.

There are so many things that I plan to say, plan to do, plan to tell you. But your name looks so good on my phone screen, and your smile so good as you approach me I forget.

You are distracting, to say the least.

Bits from Books I’ll Never Write #1

It is morning and you are reading the paper, in your boxers, metal t-shirt and dressing gown. Your long curls ruffled around your face, falling down over your shoulders. The cafetiere of coffee steams away gently by your side, caught in the spring-morning sunshine. I lean down and cup your face, pulling your little frown out of your paper to kiss between your eyebrows. My heart bursts at your smile, you turn back to your paper and I reach for the coffee. It is morning, I don’t know when, but I am settled. This home is ours. I am content and ready for anything, with you.

I do not think like this.

I cannot think like this.

It is night, I am here and you are not and I am in love.

Losing My Mind

I’ve tried countless times

to lose my mind

but it always finds it’s way back to me

 

I’ll drink it out of consciousness

and run

 

I’ll sniff it

‘til it’s twisted out of recognition

and hide

 

I’ll hide behind lies

and smiles

under covers

in darkness

in the company of others

 

but never in the arms of lovers

 

here it is at it’s worst

here is where it most hurts

 

swelling

screaming

fit to burst

 

jarring hard

and fast

 

thoughts shriek past

gnashing

never letting the silence

last

 

and that’s the hardest part

no matter how hard I’ve fought

I’ll only ever chase

that perfect place

of silence between

each thought

The Universe is a Cunt and so am I (work-in-progress, I think) 

What you give to the universe, the universe will return. 

Fuck off. 

Faith I once had, now dropped

Fuck positive vibes, it’s a state of mind

A fucking lie

Good people will continue to die, with cunts like Cameron still alive.

No matter how hard I try, I will hurt everyone I try to avoid and blame it all on my inner void

Or the drink in my hand

My weakness that alleviates all cheapness in my actions

I cannot feel love

Only fear it 

Eyes roll

I can hear it

Don’t tell me you love me, I can’t be it. 

I can’t be me – I can’t be we

I will drag myself down until my penance is up

Trust 

I cannot be trusted not to fuck it 

I’m not a martyr, there’s no cause for which I’d die

It’s just the universe is a cunt

And so am I 

A poem about Me and My Mate Michael [neverending, this poem will live as long as our friendship]

In the picturesque, peaceful

rested setting of NW London

Spaced out and wasted outside the station

in a situation so blatant

 

Pissing in between two cars

I couldn’t help but give this poem  a start

as I pondered this love of ours and how we’ve come this far

from fresh-faced in Miss Parker’s maths class and school shows to mad cunts and festivals: dsh dsh doing large

All with permanent stomach cramps from 7 years of fucking laughs

 

This summer came, running away from the same pain

from the same mistakes

we find each other in the same places with new catchphrases

mad cunts in the corner of the pub

Arms raised

Unfazed I cut short that date to come home and see your face

You are my safe space

My base

 

Traces of you in everything I am and everything I do

It’s all too much we’ve been through and honestly I can’t say better than this

I’m so fucking glad you exist.