Thank you America

Do you ever stop and think

fuck

I’m really good at making

terrible decisions

internal derision sets in

and you wonder

what the hell you’re doing

 

and you become known

the one with all the anecdotes

 

receiving shocked laughter

and eye rolls

‘you’re the best

but such a mess’

 

yeah

me too

 

at times like these

I find my struggle eased

by looking to

the land of the Free

 

yes

America

I am talking

of thee

 

thank you America

for making me feel

so much better

about where my life’s at

because I might be unemployed

and maybe had shit sex

with my housemate man

but at least

I didn’t vote for that

sexist racist wasteman

 

I made a straight mistake

but that was my choice

to make

just like those

you take and take

from so many across

your states

 

I might poor toxins in

with little regard

to what I’m doing

but your obese policies

and disregard

for your population

of extremes

makes me feel fine

about what I do

to me

your dream

so ugly

makes me

pretty

the treatment of

your most vulnerable

so awful

I’m thoughtful

in comparison

 

thank you for voting

Donald Trump

his saggy arse

makes me appreciate

the junk

in my trunk

and I was so terrified

as his polls started to

rise

that I dared to kiss

a girl

I liked

and got laid

all night

 

so thank you

America

 

my sanity may be

a mystery

but where I make anecdotes

you are making

your history

 

 

Musings on life in a woods

Maybe some people are just meant to burn out.

And before you say it

 

Burn.

Is different to Fizzle.

 

And Bang.

 

Maybe I’ll just burn out

And that’s

OK.

 

I’ll find something

Some circumstance

And I’ll be good at it

 

I won’t completely despise it

And it will see me through

My days on this earth.

 

I just want to make sure

I spend enough time

 

With trees.

Tommy, I love you

I can’t stop thinking about you Tommy

and how you were taken from me

 

well

from us

but I just needed to rhyme some stuff

and I thought that would’ve made you

laugh

 

I’ve been thinking about you all day

for ages

and even at this late stage

I have no idea

what to say

 

how to start

 

I was meant to write about you on this train

but instead I cried about you

on that train

you and your brain

simple existence causing you

all that pain

that none of us could

Take

 

You with your stomach

still ulcered and torn

struggled out to Soho

to see me perform

 

and I’m obsessed with that picture

from years before

staring

hoping it can offer some more

more of you

more things to do

 

but your eyes

that light from your eyes

is something that will never die

just like the light you brought

into my life

 

my guy

the best guy

 

I will think forever

how could I have made you

less sad

or

could I even have?

 

I want to hold your hand

and

hear your laugh one more time

trip with you

chat shit with you

I want to hug you

and know you

know how much

I loved you

nah

LOVE you

 

The funniest bit

is knowing if you’d been

here for it

you would be so embarrassed

that we mourn for you

insisting that it’s

not that bad

‘c’mon guys

don’t be so sad’

because that was

just you man

 

you will be an absence

forever in my heart

and

life too

 

Tommy,

I love you

Words I found

Cannot remember if I’ve posted this already, but just found this in my drafts.

I wanna talk to you

who I don’t know now

but I wanna say this out loud

I’m sitting in my dressing gown

clutching whiskey that

I’m throwing down –

blaming it all on this shitty town.

But that’s easy

takes responsibility away from me

and how I feel in every village and

city

that I’ve ever laid my head in

Where am I heading?

I used to be happy alone but this fear

haunts me in my bed it’s steady

monotonous tone

reminding me

(I ain’t ready for this)

I won’t ever find a home

JSA and Heartbreak

coffee can’t erase the taste of you from my tongue

I’m rubbing my eyes but

it won’t rid the image of you

from my mind

I’m smoking away

the little bits of you I inhaled

into each lung

we had fun

but it’s done

 

you might’ve been

just a dream

or words on a screen

but you had me

locked in your arms I was

first set free

wrapped in your legs

everything unravelled from

my head

I stopped biting my lips

you took over that instead

my teeth found your hips

in your unmade bed

 

someone told me happiness can be found in the darkest places

well I found mine in yours

your body was a land of perfect spaces

into which I finally tessellated

 

you were beautiful

soft skin like warm sun

I was a fool

you were into gingers

and I was into you

then you slipped from my fingers

and I came undone

 

I was poor but trying to be cool

with contraband kronenburg cans

and losing at pool

you liked my poems so much

that you held my hand

as you picked up the tab

 

you were a lone spike in

an EKG of silence

the subtle sweetness in dark chocolate

the way in which

those tiny little flicks

kicked out from your eyes

and made my heart skip

as my pupils would dilate

to absorb all of your face

 

and then you left

without a trace

 

she got 36 hours a week

no time to waste

and I got left with

JSA and heartbreak

 

Bits From Books I’ll Never Write #3

She asked me what I would have done differently and the only answer was ‘everything’. I would have done everything completely differently.

Her best friend asked me how I would have it happen. I told her I would have loved you, with every broken, twisted, lost lump of me there is. I would have gathered myself into something like a person and would have been completely and utterly yours. You scared me; my feelings for you and everything we could’ve been scared me. I would have chosen love, over fear and we would have been incredible. If I hadn’t been so caught up in my self-destruction,

I would have created something incredible with you.

 

I would have.

I could have.

I should have.